evelyn_chow

It is the 3^rd month of the death of my grandfather. Just as the time is, 12.55pm, let me share about him, whom I have lost dearly.

My grandfather is a good man. Even though, when I was young, I use to get beatings from him because I ate slowly, and I was the slowest kid amongst all. I remember him feeding me, and I often get slaps from him because I will take long hours to just chew my food. Nonetheless, I know he loves me even if it is not as much as he loves my brother and my other cousins.

My grandparents are kind of the bias people. They love guys more than they love the girls. However, certain cousins, guy and girl do get their special treatment. But I don’t blame my grandparents for that because they come from real old traditional family. However, yes, I do feel kind of outcast, most of the time.

He never fails to buy food that we all like whenever we visited him. He blessed us with money, he talk to us, he played with us, he took care of us, put us to sleep. He did them all. Like all other grandfather, he did his part.

I didn’t as a grandchild. I visited him only when there is festive or when we are free. After my parents’ divorce, there were some conflicts that my grandmother had with my mom. Hence we stop going as frequent as we use to in the past. I kind of regretted. I kind of feel, argh, we shouldn’t do that.

However, I tried to do play my part as a granddaughter. I visited them after work; give them money though it wasn’t much. Treat them to eat. Buy them food that they like. I felt at that point of time, I don’t want to miss loving them.

I remember clearly the days I had with my grandfather when he was at the hospital. I felt the pain. Every time I step into the ward, my eyes would brim with tears. Every time I see others discharged, I pray that soon, my grandfather will be discharged too.

Sleepless days and nights, I watch him. This is my first, I see him cry, I see him scream, and I see him really in pain, not knowing where. He needs someone to be there, and I am glad I could be avail. I did my part, and I guess he knew.

Flashbacks keep coming back.

I still have dreams of him.

( dear ah gong )

Loving you always.

Your granddaughter,

Winnie Chng

The person you fell in love
with is not here anymore so just please
stop making it harder for yourself and let go.
I'm happy you rejected me because
I realized that I could never be fully happy with you.
But there is someone out there who will return
that love for you
just as I did before.

i wanna zoo :)

Oh, agnes got her first christmas present from me! :P heeheehee


i've always enjoyed the company of you guys.
Love you!

Winnie Chng

baobei ♥

There are many different kinds of thoughts that i have, about life and death. Perhaps it is not something that a norm youth would think. But what trigger me to think is of what is happening in the society now a days. People do not consider life as a gift from God. Many think that life, is just a chore. Something that they wonder why, most of the time. I don't deny that sometimes i do have thoughts of which, death is much of a better choice, because there is less suffering, yet not, i fear of death, because its too early for that.

There are many cases out there, where people commit suicide. There are many people out there who do silly things, just to want to die. Isn't that stupidity? All of us, i believe, are here for a purpose. We are a gift, to our parents, to friends, and even to the world. I do not think many people think the way i do, but who cares actually. Haha. I have my rights to my personal thoughts.

I do not understand why people commit suicide, but yet, i sense a negative courage from them. They dared to jump down from the high stories, they dared to kill themselves, no matter how much they fear. As i typed this post, i realized how important is it, to treasure everyone around. Because we never know what others is thinking.

We may hate one to the core. Because of the pain they are much to us. Yet, whenever something happen to them, we panic. We worry. Do we always have to wait for someone to be lost, before we say, i miss those days, i treasure? No, i guess not. We do not have to wait. Love your enemy, because usually, we'll never know, maybe someday they will be our best of friends.

Learning from one litre of tears, no matter how much aya is suffering, she still treasure the time that she has to even talk while she can, move while she can. How brave can she be? Though she feared, i believe. She moved on with life, till her death. She touched many people's life, and she showed her sportswomanship. I salute her. I look up to her.

No matter how weak we are, no matter what is the situation around, we have to learn to dance in the storm. Learn at least, try at least. the sign of not giving up is a sign of hope. i guess as much, it's a reminder to me as well. Where we fall, we stand. Up to today, i fail many times. I give up, i feel down, weak and i don't pick myself up. But all these ain't reasons that i'm gonna use. I have to learn, and remind myself time and time again.

remember, this post that i blogged.

“Let me tell you how to measure a man.
When his world start to fall, see how tall he stands.
It matters not how many times you fall down. What matters most is how many times you rise.
Mistakes build a character and character takes you places money can’t.
”-T.I

Yes, this is wat imakes who we are today.
learning to seize the day, learning to treasure every moment is more than enough said for all the falls you fall. Because, at least, you dared to try even when you fail.

I fear for my health, as much as i worry that things will become worst. But no, i'm not giving up, i want to go back to sports. I don't want to worry the people around me. Yep, that is the best way.

I encourage all of you, perhaps no one reads my post, but who cares, Haha.. But still, pick yourself up! life is more than it is. More than what fucking your life up, more than saying what the hell it is. Yes we can, say all these, out of anger, out of a unsound mind, BUT, hey, after that cry, after releasing all the anger, it's back to reality. Pick yourself. Out there, there are more beautiful things to show, LIFE IS PRECIOUS! :D

Loves,
Winnie Chng